A Letter to My Younger Self: Lessons I Learned the Hard Way as an NCO

Dear younger me,

I know you just made Staff Sergeant (E5), the first rank in the NCO tier, and more is going to be expected of you. You’re proud to join the ranks of the Non-Commissioned Officers. With this selection for promotion came a change in duty position. You are being moved to a new shop, one that you have never worked in before, and you will be working with people you do not know. You believe you are ready, let me tell you, you’re not, but you’re about to learn fast. Let me save you some pain and share a few truths we learned the hard way.

Rank Will Not Give You Influence

You believe that once you have the stripe, people will fall in line. Some will, but not for long. It is easy to get compliance if you lead with the stripes. Real influence comes with trust.

Influence will come from showing up early when no one is watching. Trust is earned when you can be counted on. Influence is knowing your job so well that they trust your decision. Trust is built from being willing to do the hard work alongside the team, not just assigning tasks. Influence comes when you use your stripe for your people, not to make yourself look good. Your rank will open the door; your character will decide whether anyone follows you through it.

You’ll Learn That Liking and Leading Are Not the Same

You’re going to struggle with making corrections. You’ll delay hard conversations to avoid awkwardness, and you don’t want to be seen as the “bad guy.” That hesitation will cost you. Being liked feels good in the moment. Avoiding correction doesn’t make you compassionate; it makes the failure bigger when it finally surfaces. Authentic leadership will force you to choose between comfort and responsibility; being a good NCO comes at the cost of comfort. Choose responsibility every time.

You Won’t Know Everything—and That’s Okay

You’ll feel pressure always to have the answer. You’ll bluff more than you should. You’ll pretend when you’re unsure because you think uncertainty equals weakness. It doesn’t. Your people don’t need a perfect NCO. They need an honest one. “I don’t know, but let’s find out together” will build more trust than false confidence ever could. Humility will carry you farther than ego.

You Can’t Save Everyone

This one will hurt the most.

You will pour all your time, energy, and mentorship into some people who will still choose the wrong path. You will lie awake at night wondering what else you could have done. You will question every decision you’ve made. Here is the truth: You are responsible for setting the standard. You are not responsible for every choice someone makes. You cannot control what other people do. Care deeply for your people, but don’t carry guilt that isn’t yours.

Consistency Will Outperform Intensity

Early on, you will burn yourself out trying to be everything to everyone. You’ll confuse passion with sustainability. You’ll think leadership means being “on” at full throttle all the time. Your people don’t need constant intensity. They need predictability, stability, and reliability. Consistency will earn more trust than anything else. Maintain consistent daily discipline, and you will travel far.

Your Words Will Carry More Weight Than You Realize

You won’t always mean what people hear, but they will remember what you say. A careless joke will change how someone sees you. A sarcastic comment will linger longer than you expected. A public correction will sting more than you realized. Every word from you now teaches something—about standards, about respect, about who you are under pressure. Choose them carefully. Silence, used wisely, can be just as powerful as speech.

One Day You’ll Understand What the Stripe Really Means

Right now, you think the stripe means you’re finally in charge. One day, you’ll realize it means you’re finally accountable. It means you answer for failures that weren’t directly yours. It means your people’s stress becomes your burden. It means your success will often be quiet, and your mistakes will be loud. The stripe is not about status; it’s about service. You are now judged by the way your people perform. You are responsible for preparing them for the future.

Hard Truths I Wish You Knew Sooner

Let me leave you with a few truths we learned through experience:

You’re not as good as you think you are—you’re constantly growing.

Your reputation is built when no one is watching.

Your people will mirror your attitude under stress.

Leadership doesn’t get lighter—you get stronger.

And every decision you make teaches your team how much you actually care.

To the NCO Reading This Now

You’re going to make mistakes—big ones. You’re going to second-guess yourself. You’re going to question whether you’re cut out for this.

You are—if you’re willing to learn.

Leadership is not something you master. It’s something you practice, fail at, refine, and practice again. The fact that you’re reading this tells me you care. And caring is still the strongest foundation leadership has.

If this letter sounds like it was written to you, that’s not an accident. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Learn fast, and don’t stop learning. Lead honestly. And don’t forget why you raised your right hand in the first place.